people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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