Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
