You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
