YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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