I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
