those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
