Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
