im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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