Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
