people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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