Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
