pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize