Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
