My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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