I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
