Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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