literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's blow job season.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
