Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
