Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize