I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
