She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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