Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
