cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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