About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
one might say we're banned from that church
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
