rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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