Yo dont text me then not text me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
