I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
