Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
