You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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