i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
