YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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