In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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