I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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