he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
