Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
