At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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