Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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