I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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