Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
