The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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