Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
