You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
