Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize