So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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