I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
