i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
