Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
