FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
