Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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