I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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