Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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