We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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