so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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