She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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