it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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