I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
