Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
PANTIES FOUND
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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