You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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