happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
