did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
