soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Are we still banned from the library?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
