I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
