the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
