genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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