What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
