thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When are your genitals available?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
