Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
