Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize