My sheets look like a crime scene.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
