i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
