we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
