And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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